Insufferable Meddling

The very idea that a grown man can't be allowed to take some time off to be alone with nature is utterly preposterous!

Clearly a trespasser

Imagine my frustration earlier today when a veritable swarm of uniformed officers descended upon me as I innocently partook of the pristine beauty of the southern Berkshires.  According to "Lieutenant" Holloway (whose name and badge number you may rest assured I have in my possession), the small cabin I was staying in happened to be the property of one Lukas J. Fensterworthy.  I must point out that if the unctuous Mr. Fensterworthy did not want unknown visitors staying in his guest cabin, perhaps he should have changed the locks when he bought the property at auction after the tragic death of my dear conductor friend Leopold Steinwitz.

Fensterworthy not worthy of this view

One might object to my choice to enjoy the cabin's environs au natural, but what other manner would be appropriate when one is seeking uninhibited communion with the spirit of a place?  I submit to you none.  If you have not yet wandered aimlessly through the forest with nothing but air between you and the trees and the woodland creatures, get off the couch immediately and do so.

Also, the police found the number of expired birds surrounding the cabin a bit surprising.  Again, I can easily explain that.  Occasionally I find it useful to transcribe bird song -- not for direct use in my pieces, of course (Messiaen might have been gauche enough for that tactic, but not I), but for a general broadening of my musical palette, which can occasionally run dry after months of having to listen to those painfully awful Broadway tunes and other popular trash my next door neighbors Tad and Jason listen to on full volume for hours on end.

What, exactly, is a "Lady Ga-Ga?"

At any rate, the speed with which the birds sing their songs can be a bit daunting, and I thought a bit of chloroform sprayed in the nearby trees might slow them down a little bit.  As it turns out, it did, but in a more permanent fashion.

Much like this one

The local constabulary informed me that I was lucky no one was pressing any charges.  What arrogance!  It is by choice that I will be keeping clear of Connecticut from here on out, I can assure you.  And Ed ought to know better than to send them off looking for me like I was some sort of child. My mental and physical faculties are in perfectly prime condition.  Though I had run out of food.